Whats On the menu?

In India you would get treated with extremes; from the very best and tastiest to the very worst food which would leave you riding the porcelain bus for days on end. Some dishes even incorporate the whole spectrum of sweet and sour, spicy and bland, delicate and revolting. You could choose to have vegemetarion food (translation for the carnivores : that means there is no meat on the menu. Not one bit. Incredible, innit!?) or you could go to a “non-veg” restaurant where you could eat meat at the great peril of your stomach’s well-being. Wherever we went though it was hard to find something that was dull or non memorable. We did try. There's only so many food orgasms you can have with the exciting Indian spice before you get a bit numbed by the experience. So, just to remind yourself what you are in bed with, you cheat on India with a greasy overweight American... Or a sleazy Italian with extra cheese on top... Just to come back to your favorite “Palak” with loads of ghee, garlic and tomato. Did I miss eating meat? Hardly. Especially not the morning after the evening I succumbed to the urge and did have some.
So how is South America so far? I think it is best described by the fact that the waiter asks you “how would you like your meat?” instead of showing you a menu. Well okay it's not a fact. But it could be. Take Brazil for example. You will always get beans and rice and potatoes and farofa on your plate. Always. Which explains why brazilians can sometimes be mistaken to be descendent of the Michelin man. So the only question you will have to answer is if you want “chickenbeeforporkoralloftheabove?”.
In Argentina you don't even have to worry about that question. Any side dishes and condiments are usually just for decoration and it is going to be a dead cow that lands on your plate regardless. To the question of how you would like your dead cow needs to be grilled the waiter will frown at your answers until you give the right one which is: medium rare please.
Another thing we discovered is that one shouldn't bother ordering more that one dish as it would be more than enough to feed an Ethiopian family for at least a month. This is something we were a bit slow to get into our heads. How do say “Can we have a doggy bag?” without actually going home with a dog in a bag?
The meat at least is very good and so is the wine. A good bottle of Malbec will help you forget that there isn't really much variety on the menus we have seen so far. It all seems very conservative and traditional. The last invigorating effect must have been delivered by the Italians when they mass-invaded Latin America and brought their traditional cooking along with them. You can get pasta, you can get pizza (although we had worst excuse of a pizza that could have been better prepared by a student coming home as drunk as a newt at four in the morning raiding the house fridge of all the cheese and ham he could find and in artistic rush used some slithers of leftover bell pepper for decoration and put that on a wet towel before shoving it into the oven)... and besides that you can also get gnocchi.
Rn.