Mumbai - time for indulgence

The cab driver who took us from the airport to the hotel didn't quite believe us when we told him the destination. Do we really look like cheapskate tourists? I know I don't carry the Burberry bag that i never bought everywhere and Arne's fashion style does not really match Ralf Lauren's latest collection but please... Do people really need to show off? I guess I am low key. The kind of person who doesn't really care and (according to Arne) walks around looking like a student and therefore is not taken seriously. The good thing about India is that my attire is still light years ahead of the local 1970's fashion of flare pants and safari suits. After three weeks on the road living like 'quasi Indians' we thought we'd totally deserve a 5 star hotel at some point in our passage through India. It should be said that most hotels in Mumbai cost a small fortune and have nothing to offer but critters and grime so we though we might as well pay a little more and enjoy the benefits. Unfortunately we didn't go the whole way, meaning no room at the Taj Mahal where you get a private concierge 24/7 to while your royal bottom, but it was enough to make us feel loved. The staff make you feel welcome and the service is excellent. Where the hell else am I getting my room made three times a day?!   Back to the hotel... waking up early for a gym session and having a breakfast fit for a king makes anyone happy, except off course if you are the Michelin man and trying to loose weight... But even then the friendly trainer is there to make you sweat (do i smell last night's curry?) those extra calories from all the things you were not supposed to touch! And yes, a swim at the end of the day to unwind was just perfect! Inside the hotel we almost forgot we were in India!  Outside is a different story, the gateway of India was one of those experiences you don't really wish to do more than once; hundreds (if not thousands) of people standing almost shoulder to shoulder, some trying to take photos of you and then sell them to you, others selling general rubbish that nobody needs and some doing what many Indians do best: just hanging around and doing fuck all...or maybe possibly also holding hands with their best manfriend if they feel like they're up to the multitasking. And If you think you are going to get the famous tourist shot (gateway of India with the Taj behind) you have to get there before everybody else because by the time the first boat departs the place is already is already as crowded as a can of sardines.  Sunday we ventured ourselves to do the typical Indian weekend family trip and went to Elephanta Island. According to the lonely planet a must do to see ancient caves carved out by priests with too much time on their hands. As expected hundreds of people queuing all over the place. Not one of them had an idea where the queue started, what it was for or how they ended up being in it. But all of them off course following the good old indian tradition of pushing and shoving around without a clue that they were invading my personal space with their sweaty body parts. This time we played locals (when in Rome..) as we ignored the "helpful" tour guide who said waiting time was about 2 hours (therefore we should follow his advise and do a city tour with him instead) and immersed ourselves in the crawling mass of nutters. No organization whatsoever, idea where its moving and push and the results were incredible! Instead we managed to get on board after only 15 minutes! WOW, now I know why people do it... Off course when everyone try's to be a smart ass like yourself it turns everything into chaos (which is what happens most of the times). Taking about queues and chaos, if there is something that Indians totally need to think about is to learn how to drive and behave on the road. Italians bad drivers... Seriously? Indians take driving skills (or lack of) to a totally different level. Two lanes that suddenly become six, pushing their way in even then the traffic is stopped and there's no way to move. No worries, let's just buzz and piss off everybody until someone few kilometers ahead can hear and eventually move 1inch. And... let's not talk about taking over other vehicles, pedestrians, motorbikes, cows or any other moving object if your buzz is louder is because you are better (for sure)! So next time make sure you take your vuvuzela or any other means of making noise with you or otherwise you will be reduced to your human insignificance. Make sure you take some ear plugs too, because sometimes the noise is constant and it really gets on your nerves.